I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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