Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize