the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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