I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
