you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
