she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
