separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize