just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
