how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
