but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
