he thought i was a dude.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
