38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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