I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
