i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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