I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
