Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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