I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
