Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
