Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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