There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
