Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
barbara walters just said penis...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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