my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize