We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize