Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
