My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
