This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
