Sry I called you an 8
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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