I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
