For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
