I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize