I wish my penis had an off switch
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Pooping to opera.
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