He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
