there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
