You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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