No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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