you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
