so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
