12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
