It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize