You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
