hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
