you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize