It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
