My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
