I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
