just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
