last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
