remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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