Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
