Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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