16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
