You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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