He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
