I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
