I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
