the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
