I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
