So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
