Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
