There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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