I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
