I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
