i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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