It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
