Please, let me fuck your mom
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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