i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
