I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
