I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
